- Memorials don’t have to follow the same structure as funerals and can be held at any time
- Families are encouraged to personalise services with music, photos, and meaningful items
- Costs vary depending on venue, format, and choices around the ceremony
- Remote participation is possible through live-streams, video messages, or shared tributes
Losing someone close to you is one of the hardest experiences to navigate. The emotional weight is heavy enough without the added pressure of making decisions about a memorial. It’s completely normal to feel uncertain during this time. Planning a service that honours someone’s life can feel unfamiliar, even intimidating. And if you’re the one making arrangements, it can be hard to know where to begin or what’s expected.
The good news is that most families ask the same questions when starting out. Whether it’s your first time planning something like this, or you’re supporting someone who is, having a few answers ahead of time can bring clarity and calm to the process. Here’s what many people want to know when they begin thinking about a memorial.
What’s the difference between a memorial and a funeral?
This is one of the first things people ask, and for good reason. While they might seem similar on the surface, a memorial and a funeral serve different purposes and often happen under very different circumstances.
A funeral usually takes place soon after a person dies, often within a few days. The body is typically present, and the structure of the event can feel more traditional or formal, especially when arranged quickly. Funerals are often held in religious settings or funeral homes and are shaped by timing and rituals.
Memorials, on the other hand, don’t require the person’s body to be there. That one detail changes everything. Families have the flexibility to hold the service days, weeks, or even months later. This can be especially helpful when loved ones are travelling, or when the family wants more time to plan something meaningful. Memorials can feel more relaxed and personal, whether they’re held in a park, at home, or in a community space. It’s more about remembrance than ceremony, and there are no strict rules on how they need to look.
How soon after a death should the memorial be held?
There’s no set timeframe. Some families feel ready to hold a service within a few days, while others need weeks or longer to process everything and decide what kind of gathering feels right. It really depends on your situation.
Cultural and religious customs may shape this decision, especially if certain rituals need to be observed within specific timeframes. But when those don’t apply, you have options. For example, some families choose to wait until loved ones can travel, or until a significant milestone, like a birthday or anniversary.
It’s also worth thinking about your emotional readiness. Planning something while you’re still in shock or deep grief can add unnecessary stress. Giving yourself time to pause can make the process feel more manageable. No one needs to rush into it. The point of a memorial is to honour someone’s life in a way that feels right to you and your family—not to meet a deadline.
Are we allowed to personalise the service?
Yes, and it’s often the most meaningful part. Families are sometimes unsure about what’s allowed when planning a memorial, especially if they’ve only been to more traditional services in the past. The reality is that there’s a lot of room for personal choices, and most providers will encourage that.
You can include things like favourite music, personal readings, poetry, or even a slideshow of photos. Some families bring in items that reflect the person’s hobbies, achievements, or quirks—whether it’s a surfboard, a gardening hat, or a football jersey. Others create memory tables where guests can add written notes or objects that remind them of the person.
There are no rules about format or tone. Some services are quiet and reflective, while others are full of laughter and storytelling. You’re free to make the space feel like them, rather than sticking to a script. What matters most is that the memorial feels honest and connected to the person’s life, however you choose to express that.
What costs should we expect?
Costs can vary widely, depending on what type of memorial you want and what services are included. Families sometimes feel unsure about budgeting because there’s no standard template—and that’s okay. The most common expenses are usually related to the venue, celebrant or officiant, flowers, catering, and any audiovisual setup for music or slideshows.
Some people also look into photography or videography, while others keep it simple and intimate. There are no expectations around scale, and it’s completely valid to hold a meaningful service without large expenses.
When arranging things after a cremation, it’s often easier to control costs. Sydney cremation services tend to give families more flexibility with timing and location, which can help reduce pressure and allow more affordable planning. You’re not locked into a short window or formal venue, which means you can choose options that fit both your budget and the tone you want to create.
Can ashes be scattered anywhere?
This question comes up a lot, especially when families are planning a private farewell after cremation. In most parts of NSW, ashes can be scattered in public places, but there are a few things to be mindful of. If you’re thinking about beaches, parks, or bushland, it’s best to check with the local council first. Some areas have specific guidelines or require permission, while others are more relaxed.
On private property, you typically don’t need permission if the land belongs to you or someone who has given you consent. What’s important is that the location feels respectful and meaningful. Many families choose places that mattered to the person—somewhere they loved to walk, relax, or reflect. It can also be comforting to return to that spot later as a way of remembering.
If you’re unsure, funeral or memorial providers can usually guide you through the legal side. But in most cases, it’s about being thoughtful and choosing a setting that holds personal value.
How do we include family who can’t attend in person?
It’s becoming increasingly common for people to join memorials remotely. Whether due to distance, illness, or travel restrictions, not everyone can always be there in person. But there are simple ways to keep them involved.
Live-streaming the service is now a fairly standard option, especially in venues that are set up for it. For smaller or home-based gatherings, a private video call can work just as well. Some families also invite remote guests to send written tributes or short video messages, which can be shared during the service or included in a memory book.
If technology isn’t an option, you can create ways for them to participate afterwards. Sending photos, a program from the day, or even a recording of the service can help people feel connected. The goal isn’t to replicate being there—it’s about making sure no one feels left out, especially at a time when shared grief and remembrance matter so much.
Conclusion
There’s no perfect way to plan a memorial, and there doesn’t need to be. What matters is that it feels right for you, your family, and the person you’re remembering. The process can bring up a lot of questions, but that’s part of what makes it meaningful. Taking the time to think through these decisions—big or small—can help create a space where memories are shared with care, honesty, and love.